Corinne's Guide to Road Trips

As a veteran road-tripper, I know as well as anyone that road trips can be scary. But here's the thing, when you're stranded/lost/stuck in the rain/etc. in the middle of nowhere, probably the worst thing you can do is panic. Probably the best thing you can do is to shrug, smile pitifully, and say "I'm sorry, I'm from Chicago, I'm confused." And that's only one of the gems of accumulated wisdom I have to offer from my years of experience as a bad driver on the loose, sometimes for as many as eighteen hours, accross the nation. So hold on, buckle up, and get ready for Corinne's very own guide to help yo navigate the south/north (and north/south and south/north again) trip.

1) As you head North, be aware. There is no sign indicating that the Bojangles at exit 35 is the last opportunity for biscuits and sweet tea before crossing the Mason Dixon line. You should probably stop anyway, even if you just started driving. Otherwise you'll be bitter and hungy and biscuitless for the rest of the trip.

2) All roads lead to Kentucky. This is tricky, because although the weather is nice there this time of year, you don't want to spend any more than 6, 8 hours max in a state whose main feature is being next o Tennesee. Try to make it to the state line without stopping too much.

3) It's all well and good to follow signs to a city, say Huntington, before you hit that city, but once you pass it, don't follow the signs towards it anymore. Trust me, or else you'll end up spending an awful lot of time in Kentucky. (See 2).

4) It's a tough call between the new Wendy's fruit cup and the fruit and walnut salad at McDonald's, but for about the same amount of money, the McFruit Salad is a much better value. True, you can also grab a frosty while you're at Wendy's, but McDonalds has vanilla cones (do not eat while driving).

5) If you're listening to the radio and hear "104.7, the radio station [some random city in KY that starts with L (they all do)] likes better than any other station," it might not be because they play good music.

6) If you're in Indiana and suddenly start seeing signs for places like "Lebanon," don't panic. You probably didn't drive accross the Atlantic by mistake. Probably.

7) When you get a good radio station in the middle of farm country, go ahead and preset it. You don't want to be trying to find it again and have to endure snippets of country and gospel intermixed with fuzz. On that topic, if you're trying to pass a truck and all of a sudden that radio station you thought was good starts playing crap, get past the truck before you change it. Yes, even if it's that "first cut is the crappiest" song by Sheryl Crow.

8) If you see a rest stop and you kinda have to go but not really, stop anyway. Rest stops are reliable for bathrooms. The next gas station bathroom might be closed for cleaning, not so clean, or occupied, and you might have to run to Denny's accross the street and try to pretend like you're not just coming in to use the bathroom. Or, you know, whatever.

9) Wal-Mart might be ruining the country, but they're about the only place that sells tires at 7pm in the middle of nowhere.

10) If you think you're driving towards Indiana, and all of a sudden see signs that say "Now entering West Virginia," there may be a problem. Call your mother to investigate. Don't panic, consider the hundred mile detour an exercise in getting to know neighboring states more completely.