How to buy a girl a drink--the classy way

After one too many tragic incidents with hopelessly ignorant guys trying to play it cool, I've decided the world is begging for this guide. The key to successfully buying a girl a drink is to make her feel beautiful and valued, not like a hooker or a gold digger. I would say "You know who you are," but I don't think you do. That's the sad part. So before you pull out your wallet, please, read and learn gentlemen.

Step 1: The approach

While standing next to a girl at the bar or at a table, casually ask her "What are you drinking?"

Do NOT ask "Can I buy you a drink?" There is no good answer to "Can I buy you a drink?" If she says "yes," she feels like a gold digger, if she says "no," you feel like an asshole. Guaranteed, asking "Can I buy you a drink?" sets you up to be turned down. Asking her this question (especially in front of her friends) makes her feel awkward, uncomfortable, and like she's basically signing up to spend the whole night with you if she agrees.

Alternatively, if you are not standing near the girl, you can ask the bartender what she is drinking and order her another one. However, this gives you basically no opportunity to talk to the girl in question. So, while classy, it is also a waste of money.

Step 2: The ordering

Act like money means nothing to you, then ask a flirty question.

This is a critical moment, because while ordering and waiting for the drink you are completely justified in talking to the girl. But first: hold out a crisp twenty to get the bartender’s attention; order your own drink first, then hers; over-tip. Now, turn to the girl and say, “So are you guys having fun tonight?”

Step 3: The follow-up

Here’s the time to prove your classiness. Buy the drink; walk away.

If the girl is obviously into you, talking to you a lot/all over you, feel free to stick around and see how it goes. But remember that buying a girl a drink in no way entitles you to her time, attention, or phone number. A good way to demonstrate that you don’t think that it does is to bring your friends into the conversation and introduce everyone around. If, after a few minutes of group conversation, you’re still not getting vibes, say, “Well, it was lovely to meet you. I’m going to go check out the rest of the bar. Have a wonderful night.” Trust me, if she’s even a little bit into you, she’ll be so mystified/impressed by this comment that when you accidentally run into her on the dance floor around closing time your work will already be done. Girls love nothing more than a guy who simply buys them a drink and bids them goodnight.

If she’s not feeling it even after that slick move, just let it go. Sooner or later you’ll find a girl who’s into you, too, so there’s no point in harassing the ones who aren’t. Just move on, soldier, move on.

Classy or Trashy?

Finally, let me close with three dos and don'ts of drink buying to keep your loose lips from sabotaging your good work.

Classy: Ordering her drink top shelf.
Trashy: Ordering her drink extra stiff.

Classy: Telling her "You're too pretty for this place."
Trashy: Telling her "You're too pretty for this place, whadya say we move on to my apartment?"

Classy: Asking her friends (if one or two) what they'd like to drink
Trashy: Asking the whole bar what they'd like to drink. We're not impressed that you don't know how to budget.